In recent years, the term self-care has exploded in popularity. From bath bombs and yoga classes to “treat yourself” shopping sprees and mental health days, self-care is everywhere —especially on social media. But there’s a growing confusion between real self-care and behaviors that might actually be keeping us stuck. The key question is:
Are you taking care of yourself, or are you avoiding something difficult?
Evergreen Therapeutics is committed to helping individuals grow and heal, we often see clients who struggle with this distinction. They ask:
● “Am I actually resting, or just procrastinating?”
● “Is this helping my mental health, or is it just a distraction?”
● “Why do I feel worse after doing something I thought was ‘self-care’?”
In this post, Evergreen Therapeutics will help you explore the difference between genuine self-care and emotional avoidance, identify common signs of each, and offer tools for building emotionally healthy coping strategies.
What is Real Self-Care?
True self-care is intentional. It involves actively supporting your mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being in a way that’s sustainable and aligned with your values.
Real self-care:
● Promotes long-term well-being
● Helps regulate stress and emotions
● Improves mental clarity and resilience
● Makes you feel more grounded and connected
● Builds your capacity to handle life’s challenges
Therapist insight:
“Self-care isn’t always comfortable. Sometimes it’s going to bed early instead of binge-watching, or saying no to others so you can say yes to yourself.”
Examples of Healthy Self-Care:
● Taking a walk in nature to reduce anxiety
● Journaling to process complex emotions
● Calling a friend for support instead of isolating
● Attending your weekly therapy sessions
●Creating and respecting boundaries in your personal life
What is Avoidance Disguised as Self-Care?
Avoidance is when we use activities — even seemingly harmless or “wellness” ones — to escape difficult thoughts, emotions, or responsibilities. While avoidance might bring temporary relief, it tends to delay healing and increase emotional distress over time.
Avoidance often masquerades as self-care, especially when it includes:
● Overuse of comfort behaviors (e.g., endless scrolling, binge-watching)
● Canceling important commitments under the label of “rest”
● Withdrawing from social support while telling yourself it’s for peace
● Skipping therapy sessions when things start to feel intense
Avoidance provides immediate relief, while self-care supports long-term growth.
Self-Care or Avoidance? 5 Questions to Ask Yourself:
To determine whether a behavior is truly caring or avoidant, reflect on the why behind your actions. Ask yourself:
1. Am I choosing this to support my mental health — or to avoid discomfort?
Are you resting because you’re tired, or because you’re anxious about doing something challenging?
2. Will I feel better after this, or just be distracted during it?
Self-care leaves you more connected to yourself; avoidance leaves you feeling checked out.
3. Is this choice aligned with my long-term goals or values?
Is it moving you closer to who you want to be?
4. Am I avoiding something important — a conversation, a feeling, a task?
Avoidance often involves emotional or mental detours from what’s truly important.
5. Is this becoming a pattern?
Occasional distractions are human. But repeated avoidance leads to stuckness.
Common Examples of Self-Care vs. Avoidance:
The same action can be either self-care or avoidance — the difference lies in your intention and the outcome.
For instance, rest can be healthy when you go to bed early because your body needs it, but it becomes avoidance when you sleep all day to escape anxiety or responsibilities.
Saying “no” to a social invitation might be self-care if you’re feeling overstimulated and need time to recharge, but it can shift into avoidance if you’re isolating yourself out of fear or discomfort.
Watching TV as a way to unwind after a long day is a common and healthy form of relaxation. However, if you find yourself binge-watching for hours just to distract yourself from difficult emotions, it may be a form of emotional avoidance.
Even taking breaks from tasks or responsibilities can go either way: stepping back to prevent burnout is self-care, but procrastinating because you’re afraid of failure is not.
Even pausing therapy can be a form of self-care if it’s a thoughtful decision made with your therapist to reflect or take space — but canceling sessions because “things are getting too real” is a common avoidance pattern that can slow down your healing.
Why Real Self-Care Sometimes Feels Hard:
It’s easy to think self-care always feels good — but often, it doesn’t. Real self-care sometimes means:
● Having difficult conversations
● Holding boundaries with loved ones
● Facing painful emotions in therapy
● Showing up when it would be easier to cancel
● Prioritizing health over habits
And that’s okay. Healing isn’t always soft — sometimes it’s courageous, uncomfortable, and deeply worth it.
How Therapy Helps You Break the Cycle:
If you’re struggling to tell the difference between nurturing self-care and emotional avoidance, you’re not alone. Working with a licensed therapist can help you:
● Identify patterns of avoidance in your daily life
● Build emotional awareness and resilience
● Learn evidence-based coping strategies that support healing
● Create a personalized self-care plan that works for you
At Evergreen Therapeutics, we create a safe, nonjudgmental space to explore your patterns and move toward sustainable well-being. Whether you’re dealing with anxiety, depression, burnout, or life transitions, our team is here to support you.
Final Thoughts:
Self-care is not a luxury — it’s a necessity. But not every comforting activity is truly caring for yourself. The difference lies in intention, alignment, and outcome.
Next time you reach for a self-soothing behavior, pause and ask: “Is this helping me heal… or is it helping me hide?”
If you are interested in speaking with a professional and you reside in Ontario, Canada, please do not hesitate to contact us at admin@evergreentherapeutics.ca. We offer a team of psychotherapists who treat a variety of mental health concerns and work with individuals, couples, and families. Visit our website www.evergreentherapeutics.ca for more information.
