Understanding Parenting Styles: Finding What Works for You and Your Child

Parenting is one of the most challenging and rewarding roles many of us take on in life. There’s no “one-size-fits-all” approach, and as any parent knows, what works for one child may not work for another. Understanding your parenting style—and how it affects your child’s development—can help create a more nurturing and supportive environment for both you and your child.

At Evergreen Therapeutics, we often work with parents who are seeking guidance on how to manage their child’s behaviour, improve communication, or better understand their child’s emotional needs. One powerful tool in this process is recognizing and refining your parenting style. In this blog post, Evergreen Therapeutics explores the different parenting styles, how they impact children, and how you can find a balanced approach that works for your family.

Parenting styles refer to the emotional climate in which parents raise their children. These styles are influenced by a variety of factors including cultural values, personal upbringing, and individual temperament. Psychologist Diana Baumrind, in the 1960s, identified four primary parenting styles based on two dimensions: demandingness (how much control or discipline the parent exerts) and responsiveness (how much warmth and support the parent provides).

1. Authoritative Parenting
2. Authoritarian Parenting
3. Permissive Parenting
4. Neglectful Parenting
   
   Let’s take a closer look at each one, their characteristics, and their potential effects on your child.

Authoritative parents are responsive and nurturing, yet firm and consistent with their expectations. They create an environment where children feel safe to express themselves, but they also establish clear rules and guidelines. This style is often considered the most balanced and beneficial for child development.

Characteristics of Authoritative Parenting:

●  Warm, supportive, and communicative

●  Set clear and reasonable expectations

●  Encourage independence, but also emphasize responsibility

●  Consistent discipline, but also flexibility

●  Encourage children to think critically and make their own decisions within boundaries

Effects on Children: Children raised in an authoritative environment tend to be well-adjusted, confident, and capable of self-regulation. They often develop good social skills, higher self-esteem, and a sense of autonomy. This parenting style fosters emotional intelligence and resilience.

Example: A parent who encourages their child to express feelings while setting clear boundaries—“I understand you’re upset, but it’s not okay to yell at others. Let’s talk about what happened”—is demonstrating authoritative parenting.

Tip: If you identify with authoritative parenting, remember that it’s important to be consistent but also flexible. Children need to know they can trust your rules, but they also need room to express their individuality and grow.

Authoritarian parents are high on control and low on warmth. They enforce strict rules and expect obedience without questioning. While this style may create a disciplined environment, it can also lead to communication gaps and emotional distance between parents and children.

Characteristics of Authoritarian Parenting:

●  High expectations and firm rules

●  Emphasis on obedience and discipline, often with little room for negotiation

●  Limited warmth or emotional support

●  High use of punishment to enforce rules

Effects on Children: Children raised in authoritarian households may develop anxiety, low self-esteem, and struggles with independence. They may also have difficulty making decisions on their own, as they are accustomed to being told exactly what to do. While they may perform well in structured settings, they may lack the social skills needed to navigate more flexible or complex environments.

Example: A parent who insists on “because I said so” without explanation or discussion demonstrates authoritarian parenting.

Tip: If you identify with this style, consider balancing authority with empathy. Encourage open conversations with your child and allow them to ask questions or express their feelings within the structure of your rules. This helps foster mutual respect.

Permissive parents are generally warm and loving, but they often avoid setting firm rules or enforcing boundaries. They may struggle with saying “no” to their children and may prioritize their child’s happiness over consistent discipline.

Characteristics of Permissive Parenting:

●  High levels of warmth and affection

●  Few or inconsistent rules and expectations

●  Avoidance of conflict and discipline

●  A tendency to “let the child figure things out” on their own

Effects on Children: Children raised by permissive parents may struggle with self-control, have difficulty respecting authority, and lack responsibility. While they may feel loved and supported, they may also struggle to understand boundaries or the consequences of their actions.

Example: A parent who allows their child to stay up late on a school night because the child asks for more screen time or doesn’t enforce household rules is demonstrating permissive parenting.

Tip: If you identify with this style, it may help to set more consistent boundaries and teach your child about consequences. You can still maintain a warm relationship while also providing structure, which helps children feel secure and learn to manage expectations.

Neglectful parents are low on both warmth and control. They may be emotionally distant, indifferent, or disengaged from their child’s needs. This style often results from a variety of personal or environmental factors, including stress, mental health challenges, or life difficulties.

Characteristics of Neglectful Parenting:

●  Little emotional support or responsiveness to the child’s needs.

●  Lack of structure or rules.

●  Emotional or physical disengagement from the child’s life.

●  A focus on personal issues or neglect of the child’s basic needs.

Effects on Children: Children raised in neglectful environments are at a higher risk for emotional, social, and behavioral problems. They may struggle with attachment, have lower self-esteem, and often feel disconnected from their parents. Without proper guidance and emotional support, these children may have difficulties forming healthy relationships in the future.

Example: A parent who consistently ignores their child’s needs for emotional connection or is absent from their child’s life is demonstrating neglectful parenting.

Tip: If you identify with this style, it’s important to seek support. Therapy can help you work through the challenges that might be leading to emotional disengagement, and learning ways to connect with your child can create a more fulfilling and nurturing relationship.

Parenting is not an exact science, and finding your own balance is key. It’s important to recognize that there’s no perfect parenting style, and it’s okay to blend different approaches depending on the situation. You may find that you lean more toward one style in certain areas, but incorporating elements of others can create a more effective approach.

At our clinic, we support parents who are seeking to create positive, healthy environments for their children. Whether you’re struggling with discipline, navigating emotional challenges, or trying to better understand your child’s behaviour, therapy can offer tools to help you develop strategies that align with your values and parenting goals.

Parenting is a dynamic journey of growth and learning for both parents and children. While the challenges can be overwhelming, understanding your parenting style and how it impacts your child can help you develop a more nurturing and effective approach. Whether you identify with authoritative, authoritarian, permissive, or neglectful parenting, there’s always room for growth and change.

If you’re looking for support or guidance in your parenting journey, our therapists are here to help. Evergreen Therapeutics can assist you in developing strategies to improve communication, set healthy boundaries, and foster a deeper connection with your child.

Parenting is a work in progress. Be patient with yourself, embrace your strengths, and seek help when needed. Your child needs your presence and love—more than perfection.