We live in a world that constantly encourages us to compare ourselves to others. Whether it’s through social media, advertising, or simply observing those around us, the urge to measure our worth against others can be overwhelming. But why do we compare ourselves to others, and how can we break free from this destructive habit? In this blog post, we will explore the psychology behind comparison and delve into the work of renowned researcher Bréne Brown and other experts in the field. By understanding the root causes of comparison, we can begin to increase our self-awareness and develop strategies to manage this urge. From cultivating self-compassion to embracing our unique journey to success, we will uncover practical tips and techniques to help us rise above comparison and embrace our authentic selves. So, if you’re ready to break free from the comparison trap and unleash your true potential, keep reading.

Why do we do it?

The comparison trap refers to the tendency of individuals to constantly compare themselves to others, often resulting in negative impacts on their self-esteem and personal growth. Social comparison often falls outside of our awareness, meaning we don’t even know when we are comparing ourselves. The lack of awareness associated with this habit can have a negative influence on how we treat ourselves and others. Constantly comparing ourselves can lead to feelings of inadequacy, low self-worth, and a distorted perception of one’s own achievements and abilities.

The urge to compare both stems from deep-rooted psychological factors and human nature. It stems from deep-rooted psychological factors such as the need for social validation, self-esteem, and a desire to fit in. Human beings naturally seek social connections and acceptance, leading them to constantly evaluate their own achievements and progress in relation to those around them. In addition, the inclination to compare oneself to others is deeply ingrained in human nature. From an evolutionary perspective, comparing ourselves to others has been crucial for survival. By assessing the capabilities and achievements of others, individuals can gain valuable insights into their own strengths and weaknesses, enabling them to adapt and improve. Additionally, the pervasive influence of social media and societal norms has intensified the culture of comparison. Today, individuals are constantly exposed to carefully curated highlight reels of others’ lives, leading to an increased desire to measure up and achieve similar levels of success.

Signs That You Have Fallen Into The Comparison Trap & Common Influences

Common signs of falling into the comparison trap include constantly comparing oneself to others, feeling jealous or envious of others’ achievements, and experiencing low self-esteem or self-worth. Additionally, individuals trapped in this mindset often engage in negative self-talk and constantly seek external validation to feel better about themselves.

Societal pressure and cultural norms play a significant role in perpetuating the comparison trap. Society often places great emphasis on external factors such as appearance, wealth, and success, leading individuals to constantly compare themselves to societal standards. Cultural norms also contribute to the comparison trap by promoting a particular ideal of success or beauty, which can make individuals feel inadequate if they do not fit into these predefined molds. The constant reinforcement of these norms through media and societal expectations can create a toxic cycle of comparison and self-doubt.

Breaking Free From the Comparison Trap

Research shows that as humans we are hardwired to compare ourselves – it’s something that happens naturally rather than something we choose to do. The good news is that we have a choice regarding how we let our comparisons affect our mood and self-perception. Bréne Brown suggests a strategy of acknowledging the object of comparison and sending good wishes its way. In her book Atlas of The Heart, she gives an example of lane swimming, and the effect comparison has on her sense of meditation and mindfulness in the pool. Instead of losing her attention to the swimmer beside her, she simply notices her urge to compare and silently wishes them a great swim. This allows her to gain control of the moment and reconnect with her intentions. Like many things, this is easier said than done and takes practice.

Breaking free from the comparison trap starts with cultivating self-awareness and self-acceptance. It is essential to understand and acknowledge our own strengths, weaknesses, and unique qualities. By being aware of our own values, interests, and goals, we can develop a stronger sense of self and become less susceptible to comparing ourselves to others. Self-acceptance involves embracing our flaws and imperfections and recognizing that we are worthy and deserving of love and respect, regardless of how we measure up to others.

Shifting focus from external validation to internal fulfillment: Like Bréne Brown’s strategy, one way to break free from the comparison trap is by shifting our focus from seeking external validation to finding internal fulfillment. This means placing less importance on others’ opinions and judgments of us and instead prioritizing our own happiness and well-being. By setting personal goals and working towards them, we can find a sense of purpose and fulfillment that comes from within. It is important to remember that true happiness and success are subjective and cannot be measured by comparing ourselves to others.

Developing a growth mindset and embracing individuality: Another crucial step in breaking free from the comparison trap is developing a growth mindset and embracing our individuality. A growth mindset involves believing in our ability to learn, grow, and improve, rather than viewing our qualities and abilities as fixed traits. By embracing our individuality, we recognize that we each have unique strengths, talents, and experiences that contribute to our own personal journey. It is important to celebrate our differences and understand that comparing ourselves to others only limits our own potential for growth and self-fulfillment.

Embracing Your Authentic Self: Authenticity refers to being true to oneself and living in alignment with one’s values, beliefs, and desires. It involves embracing one’s unique qualities and accepting oneself as a whole, without the need to conform to societal expectations or seek validation from others. Authenticity allows individuals to live a life that is true to themselves, leading to increased happiness, self-confidence, and overall well-being. It is about being genuine and honest with oneself and others, fostering genuine connections and relationships.

Discovering and embracing one’s authentic self is an ongoing process that requires self-reflection, introspection, and self-acceptance. It involves exploring one’s passions, interests, values, and beliefs to gain a deeper understanding of oneself.

Some steps to embark on this journey include:

  1. Self-reflection: Take time to reflect on your thoughts, emotions, and experiences. Ask yourself questions about what brings you joy, what values are important to you, and what makes you feel truly alive.
  2. Identify limiting beliefs: Recognize any limiting beliefs or societal expectations that may be holding you back from embracing your authentic self. Challenge these beliefs and question their validity.
  3. Explore your passions and interests: Engage in activities that bring you joy and allow you to express your true self. Experiment with different hobbies and interests to discover what resonates with you.
  4. Surround yourself with supportive individuals: Seek out relationships and connections with people who accept and support your true self. Surrounding yourself with like-minded individuals can provide encouragement and affirmation.
  5. Embrace vulnerability: Embracing vulnerability is crucial in the journey towards authenticity. It requires being open and honest with oneself and others, even if it feels uncomfortable. Vulnerability fosters genuine connections and allows for personal growth.


Overcoming fear and societal expectations: Fear can manifest in various ways, such as fear of judgment, rejection, or failure. To overcome these fears and societal pressures, it is important to:


1. Challenge societal norms: Question societal expectations and norms that may conflict with your authentic self. Recognize that you have the power to choose your own path and define your own success.

2. Practice self-compassion: Be kind to yourself throughout this journey. Understand that embracing your authentic self is a process and that setbacks and challenges are part of the growth process. Treat yourself with patience and compassion.

3. Set boundaries: Establish boundaries with individuals or situations that may hinder your authenticity. Learning to say no and prioritize your own needs is essential in living authentically.

4. Focus on self-acceptance: Cultivate self-acceptance and love for yourself. Embrace your strengths, weaknesses, and imperfections. Remember that authenticity is about accepting and embracing all aspects of yourself, without judgment or criticism.


Nurturing Self-Compassion and Self-Love: When we compare ourselves to others, we often focus on our perceived flaws and shortcomings, leading to feelings of inadequacy and self-criticism. By cultivating self-compassion, we can learn to treat ourselves with kindness and understanding, recognizing that we are human and deserving of love and acceptance. This shift in mindset allows us to let go of the need for external validation and embrace our unique qualities and strengths.

Taking time to prioritize our physical, mental, and emotional well-being allows us to connect with ourselves on a deeper level and understand our true needs and desires. This can involve engaging in activities that bring us joy and fulfillment, setting boundaries, and saying no when necessary. By nurturing ourselves, we create a solid foundation of self-love that enables us to live authentically, without the need to compare ourselves to others or seek validation from external sources.

Building a support network and seeking professional help if needed: Surrounding ourselves with people who uplift and support us can help counteract the negative effects of comparison and provide a safe space for us to express our feelings and vulnerabilities. Additionally, seeking help from a therapist or counselor can provide valuable guidance and tools to navigate feelings of self-doubt and comparison. These professionals can help us develop coping strategies, challenge negative thought patterns, and work towards building a strong sense of self-compassion and self-love.

In Conclusion

Throughout this discussion, we have explored the detrimental effects of the comparison trap and the importance of embracing one’s authentic self. We have examined how constantly comparing ourselves to others can lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. Additionally, we have highlighted the negative impact it can have on our mental health and overall well-being.

It is crucial to break free from the comparison trap and instead focus on embracing our unique qualities and strengths. By doing so, we can cultivate a healthy sense of self-worth and self-acceptance. It is essential to remember that everyone has their own journey, and comparing ourselves to others only hinders our personal growth. Instead, let us strive to celebrate our individuality and pursue our own passions and goals.

In conclusion, it is imperative to break free from the comparison trap and embrace our authentic selves. Remember, you are enough just as you are, and your uniqueness is what makes you truly special. Embrace your authentic self and live life on your own terms.

If you or someone you know is looking to begin online therapy and you reside in Ontario, Canada, please do not hesitate to contact us at admin@evergreentherapeutics.ca. We offer a team of psychotherapists who treat a variety of mental health concerns with individuals, couples, and families. Visit our website www.evergreentherapeutics.ca for more information.